#21 - Mr Roy and Singapore Slings at Raffles

The white tiger is an incredible animal

If you ever spend time in Singapore there are two things you need to do. Firstly, go to the zoo and secondly, got to the Long Bar at the Raffles Hotel; the home of the Singapore Sling.

The day after Dav's birthday, or 'Dav's Boxing Day' as he referred to it, we made our way to Singapore's zoo. As a general rule of thumb, caged animals and funny smells aren't normally my thing so I wasn't overly fussed about this excursion. I'd also been to that part of the island earlier in the week to see the Night Safari. That was the night I was one bite away from what I expect would have been bowel-exploding salmonella poisoning as I cut through a raw piece of chicken tikka. If you listened carefully I swear you could still hear the chicken clucking it was that raw.

One baboon...

Still, we arrived at the zoo and it turned out to be the best tourist attraction so far. Far from caged and smelly, it transpired to be a fascinating, cageless and odourless experience. There were lions, white tigers, elephants, giraffes, meerkats, ostriches - you name it - they had it. But for me it was the baboons which were the most fascinating. Granted, they have that weird bum thing going on which looks like they've got atomic hemorrhoids but their human-like features and mannerisms are intriguing. Another tick in the box for Darwinism without a doubt.

Me, Dav and Garv

We spent most of the day there before heading back for our final evening. This taxi driver was the friendliest driver we'd met so far; unlike the driver who'd taken us to the zoo. He had two speeds - 100mph or stop. One particular cutting-up manoeuvre left me desperately pushing on the imaginary passenger brakes in the footwell of the car. But on the way back we had Mr Roy. He was a chatty chap who told us about an English family whose children he used to drive to school every morning. They moved back to the UK but had kept in touch. Apparently the little girl had even named her cat after him. I loved the idea of a little girl in London calling out for 'Mr Roy' to come in for his din-dins every evening.

The world-famous Raffles Hotel

That evening we made our way to the world famous Raffles Hotel to do what I expect every tourist does; visits the Long Bar for a Singapore Sling. Invented in that hotel sometime around 1915, the Singapore Sling is one of the world's most iconic cocktails. This classy long drink has stood the test of time and of course, unlike many cocktails of today you don't feel like a lecherous predator when you order it. Not a 'Slippery Nipple' or 'Screaming Orgasm' in sight here.

The sling is a classic - and that's reflected in the price. For six cocktails we barely had change from £100.  Still - as we sat in the bar, listened to the live music, took in the history of this famous hotel and reflected on our break, the price become an irrelevance. We knew that the chances are we'd never get the opportunity to be here ever again.

So that was it; number 21 on my list is complete. The definition of a lads' holiday may have changed but given the choice of a week of hangovers in 'Shag-aluf' or the views overlooking Singapore from the Marina Bay Sands; I know which one I'd prefer.

Give me this over a Screaming Orgasm any day

All that was left was for the long journey home; which itself wasn't without its drama. Dav and Hannah at one stage weren't even booked on the flight and I had to endure a man with halitosis sleeping next to me with his mouth wide-open for three hours. As I gagged into my pillow, I finally snapped and went for an elbow jab into his ribs to wake him up. Aggressive yes, but it seemed to do the trick.

Still, we made it back in one piece, with a whole host of new new memories to cherish. And what did I learn? Well, Singaporean taxi drivers are bonkers, westerners sweat in places you didn't think could sweat, for a bloke from the arse-end of Basildon; Garv's done pretty well for himself and to get a hangover in Singapore you need to be earning a six-figure salary.

In homage to the Singapore Sling, I've taken this track from the 80s film Cocktail...fairly sensible advice too in fairness...