When I started this list, I was adamant that I'd missed out in my 20s. Amongst many things, I'd been deprived of a proper lads holiday abroad. You know, the sort of holiday where 'what happens in Benidorm, stays in Benidorm' which invariably means cheap cocktails, watered-down lager, sunburn and England football shirts.
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| Me, Hannah, Garv and Dav splash out on one of the few beers of our holiday |
If you've seen The Inbetweeners movie then you'll know what I mean. I'd had my post-A Level fortnight in Faliraki, but that was in my teens - and it was a holiday where the travel agents needed a signed letter from my mom saying I could travel.
As time's gone by though I've realised that partying late into the night, cocky holiday reps, third-division footballer haircuts and English fry-ups are my idea of a holiday from hell. That coupled with the fact that the 'lads' in question are all receding, nearly thirty-somethings now meant that I had to have a bit of a re-think on this one.
Fortunately, with my friend Garv moving out to Singapore in January, a new opportunity presented itself. So, with my good friend Dav and his wife, and honorary 'lad' Hannah, we jetted out to see how our pal was getting on his new life in the Far East. The fact that that the trip promised free accommodation had no bearing on our decision to go there at all...honestly.
So we started our long journey to Singapore with a flight from Manchester to Zurich where we had an unenviable six hour turn around time before the second leg which would take us to Singapore. This lengthy wait in Toblerone-city which is also seemingly home to the world's most expensive Burger King, was courtesy of the over-cautious Dav who I think had secretly wanted us to be delayed in Manchester to prove his cautiousness correct. We weren't delayed, so six hours to wait it was.
We finally arrived in Singapore after a 13 hour flight and were greeted by two of the mainstays of Singaporean life; its schizophrenic-like weather conditions and its crazy taxi drivers.
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| Dav and Hannah from Garv's rooftop |
As we stepped out of the airport, the wall of humid heat smacked you in the face like the opening of an oven door. You can't fail to sweat profusely in this sort of humidity; it is not a pretty sight. We made our way to our cab and the first character trait of Singaporean taxi drivers came to the fore; they expect you to know where you're going. We told the driver were we needed to go and he had no idea where it was. This apparently isn't an uncommon quirk as we were to find out later in our holiday. Secondly, they're nuts. As we left the airport, the heavens opened. I'd never quite seen rain like it before. This too is something you get used to in Singapore. At one point we drove through a puddle with such force that the car was completely submerged in water. I was convinced this was how it was going to end. I looked back at Dav and Hannah whose frozen expressions made me think they shared my fear...and the driver, he chuckled like a child riding through a puddle on his push bike. How reassuring.
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| "A kind heart is a fountain of gladness" - and a cool bear |
We finally arrived at Garv's - and as far as views go - his is pretty incredible and certainly beats his last digs which was a wonderful view overlooking picturesque Brixton. He's on the 14th floor of an exclusive condo overlooking the Singapore skyline. The view from the top of his block is simply stunning. He's in the insurance game now. I asked him to explain to me in layman terms what exactly he does...ten minutes later when he'd finished explaining I was still none-the-wiser. Let's assume he's not working for Direct Line and leave it at that.
The first few days were taken up by the obligatory open-top tourist bus and ducking in and out of shopping malls to get a break from the stifling humidity and to let Dav dry-out in the heavenly air conditioning. It's fair to say Dav is a creature of cooler climates, proved by the walk on day three to Fort Canning - and former military base which is now a public park. Oh, and which, when we arrived, was shut. It's about a 25 minute walk from Garv's - or 45 minutes if Dav's in tow. It's fair to say humidity and walking don't mix with a man from Derbyshire whose ideal weather conditions are overcast, cool and with chances of a real ale later on.
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| Where modern Singapore meets Ye Olde Britain |
Still, a quick stop off at the National Singapore Museum cheered him up (see how the definition of a lads holiday changes). The colonial past of this country is fascinating. The British influence here is still ingrained in the fabric of modern-day Singaporean society; from the language to the architecture. Lying beside the modern-day sky scrapers are the British-inspired village cricket pitches and the unmistakably British City Hall buildings. The Indian influence is really strong here too. Presumably shipped here by the British to police the island, Little India is a fascinating district. Garv took us there to dine al fresco. When I say al fresco, what I mean is outside, on plastic chairs, next to the over-spilling wheelie bins. It's the kind of place where you think you've got there a few minutes before the health inspector. But in Singapore, local is the way to eat...a bit like sausages, just try not think about how it's made. Plus, it's the cheapest way to eat. Food here is dirt cheap...unlike alcohol. A pint of beer can cost as much as £10 a pint. Suffice to say this 'lads holiday' was hangover-free!
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| Poolside at Garv's...scene of the mosquito feast |
Weather-wise, barely a day went by without stormy rain. There was plenty of sunshine too - but mostly it was humid heat and rain. There was time to lounge by the pool...which we found out to our cost. A mosquito feast on Dav's legs poolside saw him wake up one morning with an infected bite on his shin which meant he spent most of the rest of the holiday having to wear trousers. The infected puss-filled blister was pretty disgusting. The child in me wanted him to pop it...I could see this being filmed and going viral on the internet, it was that gruesome. But Hannah said that probably wasn't very sensible. As we debated what to do with the patient, Garv helpfully consulted the world of Google to find a diagnosis; "according to the internet, if you're bitten by a mosquito and it fills with puss...it means your knob will drop off". So, chronic knob-rot was Garv's insightful diagnosis. Still, we had a Derbyshire man feeling sorry himself and a mosquito somewhere who now had Type 2 diabetes. To give you an idea as to how grim the blister was, we Skyped our friend Crewe back home. We showed him the wound and his response, in his monotone Manc accent was; "bloody hell, what were you bitten by, snake?".
Still, in fairness to him, he didn't go on about it *coughs*.
The first week was taken up by sightseeing, trips to a Night Safari, Universal Studios and taking in a local football match, which will be the feature of another blog later on.
Next up - Dav is 30, we visit the home of the Singapore sling and we meet Mr Roy the taxi driver.
In honour of the sweaty westerners in Singapore, I'll leave you with this...
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